"The books you read and the people you surround yourself with today define the person you will be in five years"
I always loved this quote. From the moment I read it years ago I started trying to deeply understand its meaning and put more of an effort into my relationships, the people I surround myself with and the ways they contribute to my life and to me growing as a person. We always think of our parents first when we try to recunstruct the influences that shaped us but oftentimes forget the people we spend most of our teenage and adult time with. In contrast to family, friends are people you can hand-pick. Even though friendships form spontaneously and out of the moment when you feel like you click with someone, it has to be a concious choice as who to keep in your life for the long run.
Over the years I realized that friendships aren't only about spending time with someone you have things in common with but about the conversations you have, the way they make you feel and treat you. Just like friends can empower you, give you confidence and strength they can also tear you down, steal your confidence and make you feel like you are somehow less worthy than they are, when they are the wrong friends. I just only fully comprehended recently how one friendship in particular has had major effects on my sense of self-worth, my self-confidence and the way I looked at myself for a long time and I wondered how different some of my years of self-doubt could have been if I had never met this person and instead had become friends with someone that helped me grow and overcome my insecurities or even prevent these insecurities from developing in the first place instead of causing them.
But maybe, if I've never became friends with that person I now wouldn't value a true friend as much or even recognize it.
It takes a long time to completely get rid of the influence someone had on you for years and years and years. The ideas they ingrained in you and the way they made you feel about yourself. This does not only apply to friendships but also romantic relationships and family. I still struggle to shake off some thoughts and views I have of myself that have been caused by this toxic friendship. The thought that I am weird (not in the good, funny way), that I am somehow not enough as I am, not worthy of appreciation or affection the way I am, that I somehow have to change to please others, that I am an object of constant ridicule for comedic effect, that the way I do or see things is wrong or too "out there", that whenever I have a dream or an idea that it instantly seems flawed and is set up for failure, that I wholly exist for someone to feel better about themselves by putting me down. It has become so clear to me now that at a time when I was the most impressionable and the most vulnerable I chose to keep the wrong people in my life and let them dim my light in order to fuel theirs, not knowing the impact it would later have on me. It has been completely my fault for allowing them to do so and I should have noticed their malevolence and their jealousy when I finally started to free myself from their grip sooner than I did. I don't blame them for treating me the way they did but myself for not accepting responsibility for my own life and happiness earlier. But then I guess, this is a thought of experience and self-awareness that comes as you grow and learn.
Even though you already have everything within yourself to become the person you are destined to be it's the people in your life that act as the water and sun that either help you grow or wilt away
Now, it has to be clear to me that a person can contribute to my growth and help me understand the world with the influence of their perspective. They need to stand behind me, find beauty in my weaknesses and flaws rather than cause for ridicule. They need to only want the best for me no matter how that makes them feel about themselves because my unique achievements and talents shouldn't be intertwined with theirs for they know that fueling my light won't dim theirs as a result. They have to want to see me succeed and strive and live my life to my full potential rather than holding me back. They will help me overcome my insecurities rather than undermining me and compromising my happiness for their ego.
"Avoid people who mess with your head.
Avoid people that intentionally and repeatedly say and do things that they know upset you.
Avoid people who expect you to prioritize them but refuse to prioritize you.
Avoid people who won't and can't apologize sincerly" (Unknown)
Of course I always try to do the same for everyone in my life, look past ego and selfishness and just be a friend. Your words and actions dont't only affect strangers but also the people closest to you. You can be the wind underneath their wings and it will always be met with great gratitude and reciprocation.
People that turn out toxic to you aren't necessarily cruel people though. It's just that their needs and ways of existing in this world compromises your happiness and you always have to make your peace of mind a priority. These people may have made you laugh at numerous times, they may listened to your stories and your worries, they may have been their for a long time but as hard as it seems you have to let them go; and you have every right to do so.
You can not compromise your happiness for old times sake
And when you find these people that can be that constant root of support for you you will only beging to understand the difference and the way they shape you on a scale you would have never expected. And you will see, how you too, will shape them.
xx Laura
No comments:
Post a Comment