Recently I've been thinking a lot about how much I love to spend time on my own and in conjunction with that, that for many people that isn't the case. A lot of people dread spending some alone time and not having plans and of course you can boil that down to the fact that some people are extroverts who crave social interaction and stimulation while others, like myself are introverts and feel drained by spending time in social surroundings. But after having a little think about it, I believe that there is more to it and that even extroverts could benefit from a little down-time with themselves from time to time and here is why...
I've noticed that spending time alone all so often has become synonymous with being lonely and somewhat a loser but in my opinion it couldn't be further from the truth. In our society people who are always on the go, always have some plans and always have someone around them are praised for their drive and their envious lifestyle. But how envious is such a life, really? With Instagram and FOMO being constant companions in our lives it has become really hard to not feel crap about sitting alone at home while others hit the club and have a seemingly good time. By now it shouldn't be a secret though that people only show us on social media what they want us to see, which mostly are the good times or an edited version of the time they really had.
"With Instagram and FOMO being constant companions in our lives it has become hard to not feel crap about sitting alone at home while others hit the club and have a seemingly good time."
Coming back to my first statement, I think that it takes a rather strong person to find solace in spending time alone. I am no psychologist and correct me if I'm wrong but not being able to spend time alone or even dreading it can be a sign of a deeper lying issue. Being alone means having no distraction from yourself and your thoughts, which also means that you have to face fears and thoughts that you may tried to run away from by distracting yourself with constant company. But confronting your inner thoughts, doubts and fears can lay the groundwork for self-awareness and self-improvement.
I always say that my favourite people are self-aware. I think it's so important for a person to be self-aware about their personality, their wants and needs, their fears and their relationships. Only if you take the time out of the day to reflect on yourself and your impact on your surroundings, you will find the foundation for self-improvement. Otherwise you're always gonna run in circles and never move forward. If you think that evolving and improving yourself and becoming a better person is an essential part of life than you should seriously consider spending more time alone.
The problem with being around someone 24/7 is that you become accustomed to a different version of yourself because you're always reflecting off of somebody else. This also is an issue with many people who have been in a long-term relationship and don't know who they are anymore after a break-up. If you only ever spend time as one part of a twosome how will you ever have time to take care of your indivdual needs and work on your goals that are not part of your relationship? Even if you live with someone you should make some time for yourself. The most important relationship we have in our lives is the one with ourselves. and knowing yourself and what you want from life down to an inch is the best feeling in the world.
"The most important relationship we have in our lives is the one with ourselves [...]"
If not for the self-awareness part, alone time is also a great way to wind down. Notice that by alone-time I don't mean sitting on the floor and staring into space while ruminating on your past mistakes and life-choices. Alone time can be reading a book, watching Netflix alone for a change or pushing your roomate or SO out of the kitchen to spend twenty minutes cooking dinner alone. Alone time can also mean doing your make-up in the morning and listening to a podcast. But alone time can also mean spending a whole weekend at home and not making any plans. Of course that is not everyones cup of tea and can be too much for even the most seasoned introvert but maybe try easing your way into it and try to think around the stigma of alone time equalling lonely time. The word lonely is defined by being sad from being alone but that doesn't have to be the case if you start to value time with yourself and view it as working on the relationship with the most important person in your life rather than being a lonesome loser. After all you choose to be alone for a while and aren't forced to do so by outer circumstances. If I have to spend time alone because everyone around me is busy or out of town I will get feelings of loneliness and boredom as well but if I make a concious decision to be alone, it becomes something I not only value but look forward to.
But even if you decide that spending time alone just isn't in your DNA and you need to be around people at all times don't make people who love their me-time feel bad about it. Everyone is different and finds solace in different things. Even if you think that spending an evening alone at home is boring and uncool other people may not feel the same. Each to their own, am I right?
How do you feel about spending time with yourself?
xx Laura
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