I think when people met me five years ago they would't have described me as the happiest person in the world, to make a minor understatement. Partly that was because I was still in high school and I really hated it there and felt emotionally drained and depressed everytime I thought of it but parts of it were also due to the fact that I wasn't a very happy person in general. Not because there was something particularly wrong in my life but I think I didn't really know how to be happy.
You and your mind are constantly changing and evolving, especially in such impressionable and formative times like the university years after school. When you become more independent, become more aware of the world around you and start to really make up your own mind (which is what you generally do after you leave school) you also start to become more aware of youself, the situations you find yourself in and your thought patterns.
As a very self-analytic person I've always dealt with 'me, myself and I' quite a bit from a very young age on; but when you find yourself at the crossroads of carefree high school student and proper real life adult it is inevitable to search for the roots of your problems and discontent if you want to get your life together and succeed in most parts of it. So here are a few things I've learned over time that ultimately made me a happier person:
1. Don't depend your happiness on something/someone else
There are so many people who believe that they can only be truly happy if they are in a relationship or earn a lot of money, drive their dream car etc. Of course all these things can and most probably will improve your happiness but that's only temporary. If you aren't happy with yourself and the life you designed for yourself nothing and no one will be able to fix this deep discontent. If you think that your partner is your only root of happiness and that you couldn't ever attain such happiness in a life alone, there is something wrong.
2. Cut toxic people out of your life
As I've mentioned before in my recent blogpost about friendships, there have been quite a few friendship break-up's in my life. When you're younger you don't want to lose people in fright of being a loner or social outcast, when you get older you don't want to cut people out because of the possible drama it could induce and the obligation you feel to them because you've been friends for a long time. But when you rethink all of your friendships and only find one that isn't elevating you or even worse is constantly getting you down, you should consider cutting ties with that person. I've recently read very enlightening words in Lena Dunhams newsletter about just that: 'When it comes to sisters (from other misters), hang on until you can't anymore. And if you can't, it's ok'. Simple, but very true.
3. Start searching happiness within yourself
As above mentioned, self-awareness is a major part to happiness. If you're not happy with the person you are, nothing will ever make you feel truly or long-lastingly happy. I speak from experience here. A huge part of my past unhappiness stemmed from being dissatisfied with me as a person or my appearance. I am the ultimate perfectionist and not being able to actually be perfect was really getting to me. But once I've started to do some soul-searching and accepting my quirks as something that makes me unique rather than imperfect I really started to notice a change in my general mood and outlook on life.
4. Stop making other people or bad luck responsible for your unhappiness
We've all done it. Blaming your problems on someone or something else( maybe even destiny or bad luck) is the easiest way out. But reality is, even IF someone did something to worsen a situation for you, the only person who can get you out of that mess is yourself. Whining about it will not improve your mood and certainly will not help the situation. If you're unhappy with something: change it and don't wait for someone else to fix it. In Germany there is a saying which describes this perfectly: "Jeder ist seines Glückes Schmied" which can be roughly translated to: 'You create your own luck'.
5. Find happiness in the little things in life
When I was younger I believed that happiness would only come with the huge milestones in my life. Graduating, driving my own car, getting married. Even though these events will probably be the happiest days in someones life, day-to-day happiness can only be found in the little things. Only when I got older I realised that eating a good meal, laughing with my friends, cozying up infront of the TV after a long day or even seeing the first leaves fall in autumn were the things that ultimately made me happy. I also noticed that being loved and loving in return makes for a great happiness booster as well.
6. Start seeing the bigger picture
It's easy to forget how privileged we are and what people all over the world have to go trough on a day-to-day basis, which we can't even imagine. So being aware of your privilige will help to put things in perspective again. Also seeing the bigger picture in terms of time can help. If it won't matter in five years from now, don't spend more than five minutes being upset about it.
7. Humour
I've always had a knack for gallows humour and sarcasm. Making fun of the unfortunate things that happen to you is in my opinion the best and fastest way to healing and ultimately: happiness. And if you're having trouble laughing at yourself, get yourself friends who will help with that (on a loving and respectful level, of course). Sure, I deal with enough things in my life, anxiety being one of them but I ALWAYS feel half as bad about something once I made a joke about it and I got through some of the worst times of my life with just a bit of humour.
8. Find the things that make you happy and do them!
I feel like this quote is as old as time but it doesn't get less true ' Do what makes you happy'. Be it a career aspiration, a hobby or anything else that makes you feel joy. If it doesn't hurt you or anyone else just do it. Let nothing or no one stand in the way of your personal happiness. Also let no one make you feel like your way of being happy isn't valid. You do you.
There you go. These are just a few ways I personally found to improve my happiness.
xx Laura
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