As a special treat for easter I'd like to talk about female friendships and how I got to a point in my life where I can honestly say that I lead adult and honest friendships with all my female friends and how this wasn't a given at all times. This is gonna be a long post so you better grab some snacks and a cup of tea!
Friendship is one of the most important things to me and I honestly believe that a life without good friends is a life not fully lived. Friends make you laugh louder, dance wilder and make you live happier. My friends are reason why and how I've overcome some of my darkest hours, they are the people I celebrated my best hours with and I'm thankful for each and everyone of them. The meaning of friendhship should be quite universal: a friend is honest, loyal, supportive and kind. Right? Unfortunately not all people act in friendship under these terms. I think everyone had their own experience with frenemies and fake friends and wished they hadn't wasted so much time and effort on these people. But the one lesson I've learned is not to hold grudges and be thankful for the time you spent with a friend, even if you're not friends anymore for each one has shaped the person you've become.
High School Friends
In High School friends are not only your little survival kit and support system but also a kind of status symbol. The more friends you got, the more popular you become. It took me a long time to realize that few but good friends are far more valuable than an huge group of half-annoynmous strangers that you have nothing in common with, yet call your friends.
In high school I changed my friends quite often and I can't count the times I came home and told my parents about some drama or cat fight that went down that day in school. This was honestly exausting if I think about it now but I guess that's just how high school and puberty works. For a long time I always expected some "friend" turning against me from one second to the other and backstabbing me since this was the common procedure at my school. At one point I didn't have any friends at school at all and I was contemplaiting spending my breaks in a bathroom stall (how chlichée).When you're a teenager every situation feels permanent and hopeless to you but rest assured that it isn't. Once everyone got older and a little bit more mature things started to change for me and I had badass group of female friends that I wouldn't be seen without at school.
Even though we failed to keep our friendships alive after graduation and I'm only still friends with one of them I feel like I owe these women so much and I can't express my gratitude for them enough. For the first time in my life I felt really empowered by friendship and with these ladies by my side I felt like nothing and no one could touch me. I've made some of my best memories with them and they are the ones who helped me through one of my darkest times in which I at one point couldn't find the strength to go on alone. They stayed honest, true and never failed to make me cry out with laughter even at the most inappropriate times.
Now, I'm not saying that high school friendships can't survive graduation and college but my experience showed that it was highly unrealistic of me to think that way but I guess I just wanted it to last forever. But the truth is everyone will go their own way, will move to different cities or even countries and your priorities will shift but there will always be something that will keep you connected and that is irreplaceable.
Fake Friends and Frenemies
Even though I went through quite a few "friendship breakups" I feel like there is only one which dissapointed me so much on a human level that there is no point of return for me. There are these friends who make you laugh, that you have fun with and do innapropriate and forbidden stuff with. (nothing sexual, you sicko!)
They are the friends your referr to when recounting a crazy night out. But if this is the only thing you regularly do with them more often than not these aren't real friends. But there are even the ones that you have been friends with for years but who only show their true colours much later on or when you're not around.
If you have a feeling that someone would't hesitate to hurt your feelings, tell your secrets, make fun about you or go behind your back once you don't benefit them anymore or become a little bit displeasing and uncomfortable to them you've succesfully detected a fake friend. There are also these friends who will swear endless friendship and loyalty to you and soon will lose interest or run the other way once you need them. Another foolproof fake friend sign (what a tongue twister).
The ones who gossip behind your back, the ones who keep secrets and tell lies to you, the ones who seem to have time for anything but you, the ones who wouldn't grant you any success, the ones who sabotage you, the ones who don't pay your money back and the ones who are insulting you on a daily basis for humors sake: those are fake friends.
Like I said before I try to not hold grudges and appreciate the good times I had with these people but I've also learned that friendship is something that shoulnd't be taken for granted. Neither giving it nor recieving it. I also learned that holding on to friendships for "good times sake" does more bad than good. And finally I've learned that you can't make people be the friend you want them to be and that's fine but you don't need to sacrifice your time for people who don't want to be in your life and don't value you as a person.
The ones who stay
Now to the ones that made it this far and are still friends with my crazy ass. I will try not to cry on my keyboard as I'm writing this but I can't make any promises.
After all this friendship drama there are the ones that are meant to be and stay in your life. They can be new friends but they can also be the ones who've always been there. I'm lucky enough to have a best friend that has been by my side for over half of my life and even though our history contains quite a few arguments and drama scenes (mostly because of my passion for drama) I wouldn't change any memory I've ever made with this woman. She knows me better than I do myself and whenever something good or bad happens to me she's the first person I will tell it to. I feel like our friendship has grown with us over the years and is stronger now than ever before. She will never hesitate to tell me the truth straight to my face even if it hurts but she will also never fail to urge to my side when I'm bawling my eyes out over something.
Most importantly we accept every aspect of each others characters and every quirk and we don't judge. And that's what friendship is all about: Accepting and supporting each other. A friendship where their goals become yours and vice versa. I now have a group of friends in which we want to see the other succeed, where we help in every way possible, in which we empower each other and are kind and accepting and in which there's no room for jelousy and girl on girl crime. There is so much strength and empowerment that you can gain from strong and honest female friendships.
My friends are the ones that can see my value and my beauty when I can't and never fail to remind me of them and I will do the same for them anytime. I also found that a true friend elevates and inspires you and that there is so much to learn from the people you surround yourself with. And then there's loyalty: loyalty doesn't mean that you and your friends have to agree on everything and that they have to dislike every person that you ever had an argument with. Loyalty means that you can count on someone, someone you can be sure would never go behind your back or smash you at the first chance they get, someone that will stand up for you and someone that believes in you.
If you found people like that you can count yourself truly lucky and should try to hold on to them forever. But friendship isn't a one way street and you have to invest time, effort and genuine interest into them. But if you do, you will find that friends can be far more than the people you go to brunch with but real partners in crime.
xx Laura