Body Confidence is a huge issue right now. Everywhere you look there is someone speaking out against body shaming and for female empowerment. What I noticed though is that apparently slim people aren't invited into that conversation as they have nothing to be ashamed about and should be happy with their bodies, right? Why is that? As someone who is on the slim side I don't quite understand why it's only appropriate for curvy women to speak out about this and also why there is a general double standard concerning this.
I have been extremely skinny ever since I could walk. My parents blessed me with "those genes" (yes, they do exist). Even though people commented on my figure all through my childhood (don't know if that's really a good thing to do to a child but anyway...) I never associated something negative with it when my grandparents said one could play piano on my ribs and my classmates called me skinny. I felt comfortable in my body and I liked how I looked. That was until I entered secondary school. Even though most of my new classmates were rather slim as well I remained the skinniest amongst them and didn't really think about it until a girl asked me if I was anorexic. Straight to my face. I was eleven years old and don't mind me but, I never heard of anorexia before. So I vehemently shaked my head and asked my parents what that word meant that was said to me. They explained it and I was shocked how someone could think that about me. I ate well, I liked my body and frankly I never even wasted a thought on it before. But as I went back to school the comments on my appearence continued and even though some people said to me: "Oh my god I'm so jealous, I wish I had you're figure", those same people started rumours behind my back that I was bulemic AND anorexic. (Because one isn't enough?) Of course now I would't be to fussed about such rumours but as a teenager these comments and speculations get to you.
As the years went by I became more and more insecure about my body. I feared summer because it meant shorts and swimwear and that people would see my boney legs. Comments like "eat a burger" never seemed to fail to make me feel like shit. When I came out of the shower I quickly wrapped myself in a robe so that I wouldn't catch a glimpse of my naked body in the mirror and by the age of fifteen I was mostly just disgusted with myself. My high school friends can vouch for many times we went shopping or I changed my outfit and the first thing I would ask them was "Do I look anorexic in this?" While my friends were constantly innterogated by people I didn't even know why I was so skinny I went to my local GP and begged him to help me gain weight. He told me I had a perfectly healthy body and that I should be happy it wasn't the other way around but all I wanted in life was to gain weight so that people would stop thinking I was sick and I would stop crying when seeing myself in the mirror of a changing room. I googled fatty foods and how to gain weight but even though I ate like shit and snacked my life away everything failed. I stayed skinny.
Another comment that still, to this day, gets to me is: " Men like curves." Puberty and the first interaction with the other sex is akward enough as it is but being constantly told that your body couldn't possibly be attractive to anyone and that all men would be disgusted by my "boney" limbs, my collarbones, my hipbones etc. is....how do I phrase this? An asshole move. What gives people the right to say that?! If someone would go up to a curvy girl and said: " Men like skinny girls. Your're too fat." (And I believe that there are people who would really do such a thing) a shitstorm would lash down on that person, and rightly so, but if you say it to someone slim it's apparently perfectly acceptable. Thanks to the wonders of puberty I eventually got some boobs, a generous sized butt and filled out quite some bit and began to feel a little bit more confident in my body but it took a whole lot more years for me to realize that all my life I had been ( and now here it comes, the controversial word:) skinny shamed.
Now, I get it. Curvy women have it a lot worse than slim people do. Being skinny is still the standard of beauty and so people assume that those people can't be anything but happy with their bodies. But that isn't true. And I also get that more often than not curvy people are the recipients of body shaming comments and are shamed into feeling like shit even if they felt healthy and good in their skin prior to that. But what I don't get is why, if we pledge for beauty in every shape and size natuarlly skinny girls are still shamed not only for being how they are but also for feeling good about themselves. If I said to anyone "I really hate my body" people would say "You're lucky. Shut up." but if I said "You know, I really like my body and I'm happy with it." I would earn contemptuous looks that could only mean "what an arrogant, narcissistic bitch."
I am now at a point in my life where I feel good about myself and am done apologizing for it. Sure, I have my problem areas but all in all I'm perfectly fine with the way I look. I feel healthy, I eat well and as long as no doctor tells me that there is something wrong with my body I won't be made thinking it is. I am done getting these looks in restaraunst when I eat a burger as if I would make a run for the toilet the second I finish eating it or when I eat something healthy to get comments like "Why do you eat that? You don't need to eat that." Yeah, maybe I just like salmon and veggies, okay? I am not trying to downplay body shaming of curvy women, far from it. I just to want make people realize that it's not okay to comment on peoples bodies and appearences and the way they feel about them, no matter what shape or size they are. You never know what your comment could trigger in that person and how it makes them feel inside. I don't care if you think that being called skinny is a compliment. I can defenietly tell you: it's not! Rather than tearing each other down we should empower one another and try to make people feel good about themselves rather than bad. Making other people feel shit about their bodies won't make you feel better about yours and it only produces a wave of negativity. Feeling good about how you look has a huge share in being happy, yet so many people suffer from what society makes them feel is beautiful. If you're unhappy with your body, by all means, change it but do it for yourself and not for those people that said "you're fat", "your boobs are too small", your butt is too big", your nose is too long", " you're too skinny." Changing yourself for those people won't make you happy but accepting and loving the skin you're living in will. And for those people that still feel the urge to comment on every move you make :" Mind your own business and also....fuck you."
xx Laura
